Tuesday, August 5, 2014

"Purposes of Writing" - 2008

Purposes of Writing

Relationship between reading and writing: See, writing enables us to read, because we get text from it, yo.

Actually, reading and writing are two separate processes. For me, it is much easier to write than it is to read. They are linked in that without one there cannot be the other.

The purposes of writing are many. We write to get things off our chest, to teach someone how to do something, to voice an opinion, to tell mom that she should get milk from the store, to break up with people named John, etc. Writing is more a creative and purposeful exercise, whereas reading can be purposeful or recreational. This is how they are linked, Lion-o.

Jaga, don't go!

But I must, Lion-o, because I'm mysterious. Also a rip-off of Obe Wan Kenobi. Or whatever. I don't know.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Thursday, June 26, 2014

"What's Up, Doc?" - 2000

I folded the paper because as the headline suggests, it talks about some nasty stuff. And you didn't come here for smegma and circumcision. And if you did, well, sorry. Also, what's wrong with you?)

"What's wrong, Doc?"

"You seem to have no skin or muscle belown your collar bone..."

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

"In the Face" - 2/20/08

A comic based on a student's explanation of why she wasn't concentrating in class: she had gotten hit in the head with a basketball the period before.

My version is a *slight* dramatization. Note the fire/smoke coming off the ball, and the elongated shape due to high G-forces.

Thursday, June 19, 2014

"A Letter from Christopher Lloyd" - 1/13/95

Dear Matt,

Thank you for the letter. I'm glad you enjoyed my part in CLUE (illustration of a knife, "STAB!"). I enjoyed playing the part of Professor Plum. I'm glad you also like me in Back to the Future. 

Christopher Lloyd.

P.S. What is all of that Kano crap on the back of the letter?

P.P.S. Kano is not a good role model. 

Kano as a Clue card! Not sure why "CLUE" is written as if in a mirror, not to mention misspelled, but it's all good. (You can't see it, but his knife has a stick figure impaled on it.) 

It's from the same journal, only a few days before the above letter. Hmm.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

"A Letter to Kano (Mortal Kombat)" - 1/12/95

Dear Kano,

Hi, Kano! Can I ask you a question? Where did you get that metal face implant? I would like to know so I could scare my brother with one! Also, how is the Black Dragon Clan treating you? I hope you win the MK tournament. I think you're the strongest of them all!


Matt Frey


Sunday, June 15, 2014

"I Scream Clones" - 2009

This one should be read in its entirety.

Now: "Some sort of white dog thing looks very angry. It was cloned from a shark and a poodle. Deadly monkies, in 1997/177, stormed the lab and cloned a human on TV. People were amazed."

Saturday, June 14, 2014

"Why Didn't You Call Me?" - 1994

A note never sent to my friend, Ian.

"I had to fight zombies on Monday, so Mom let me stay home. On Tuesday, I was on the Moon. On Wednesday I was playing Chess with the Zombies. Why did you not call me? From: Matt, the grate (sic), wonderful, perfect, and modist (sic) kid."

Monday, June 9, 2014

"Face of Steel" - 2000

The teacher's comments on my "how to play Face of Steel" speech.

"Lost audience when you wanted them to slam their heads into the wall."

Sunday, June 8, 2014

"In Your Pocket" - 2004

"There's nothing better than looking in your pocket and finding money, except maybe looking in your pocket and finding sex."

Saturday, June 7, 2014

"One Day a Monster Killed a Boy" - 1992

Task: Take Daniel Pinkwater's advice and write something you enjoy.

"One day a monster killed a boy. Then, a UFO landed and mud wrestled for the boy. The alien won. He took the boy and met a ghost. The ghost stabbed him and he died. The ghost took the boy to Loch Ness. Then, the Loch Ness Monster took the boy away to a cemetery. Dead people killed Nessy. They ate the boy."

A dramatic reading of the above story.

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

"Super Mario Bros. Super Show" - 2007/2008

"Hey Pizanos (sic)! It's the Super Mario Bros. Super Show." To the right is Mario's brother, "Luwigy," who is donning a very sexy goatee. The word "cows" hovers above, for what reason, I have long since forgotten.

Monday, June 2, 2014

"Day I Drew a Robot" - 5/10/07

Note the surprised individual in the robot's left (your right) claw, and the man who has been crushed under the treads.

Sunday, June 1, 2014

"Understanding Bacon" - 2007

"To the uninitiated, bacon might just seem like a wonderful, life-affirming way to start the day. However, there is a small section of people - the smart, sexy ones - who know the truth. Bacon lives inside of you, not just in your mouth or your stomach or even your bowels - it lives in your soul, like Jesus and baseball. When you feel happy, it's the bacon inside of you, teaching you to smile. And when you fall in love with someone, it's the bacon traveling to your heart, your neither regions and, if you're a man, your wallet. It tells you another person is beautiful, and it teaches you to love them. Bacon is love, bacon is heart, soul and blood. Bacon can make a resplendent hat, a beautiful, fragrant coat, and a festive Christmas decoration. (String bacon on your tree for that piney-meaty scent you crave this holiday season.)

"Hopefully, you now understand bacon."