"To the uninitiated, bacon might just seem like a wonderful, life-affirming way to start the day. However, there is a small section of people - the smart, sexy ones - who know the truth. Bacon lives inside of you, not just in your mouth or your stomach or even your bowels - it lives in your soul, like Jesus and baseball. When you feel happy, it's the bacon inside of you, teaching you to smile. And when you fall in love with someone, it's the bacon traveling to your heart, your neither regions and, if you're a man, your wallet. It tells you another person is beautiful, and it teaches you to love them. Bacon is love, bacon is heart, soul and blood. Bacon can make a resplendent hat, a beautiful, fragrant coat, and a festive Christmas decoration. (String bacon on your tree for that piney-meaty scent you crave this holiday season.)
"Hopefully, you now understand bacon."
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